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I am posting the most recent draft of a short story I am working on, in hopes that I will get some critique on the work.

I gotta remind you all that everything in this blog, including the file I am about to link to, is copyright 2006-2007 Jt Hollister.

Now that is out of the way, so here’s what I’m looking for on a critique.

Storyline – Is it enjoyable?  Does it fit together as a whole?  Does it need more dialog or action?  Is it dissatisfying?

Beginning – Does it catch and hold you attention?  Are you hooked?  Do you want to read more?  Do you have any suggestions of what would make you want to read more?

Prose — Is the writing easy to follow, and pleasant to read?

Anything else, other suggestions, I am open to.  I want you to critique me harshly.  I won’t get my feelings hurt.  I will take your suggestions seriously, and in most occasions will probably change something based on your suggestion.  I appreciate all who are willing to help.

Background: A science fiction short story about a young woman named Jequnar who comes upon a terrifying discovery.

DOWNLOAD NOW! (I fixed the link)